Late night tears.

Everywhere I look lately I get so sad, my house, my room, my bed, out my window. I don't think I'll ever see them again after I move. And I still think about josh all the time; just his name makes my body stop and cringe in pain sometimes. But it's not him that I miss, it's having a best friend, someone there to fall asleep with, to cry to, to talk to. Every night I go to bed alone and every morning I wake up alone. I'm just really lonely. Today I found some jokes that I know josh would have loved laughing at with me and I realized I have no one to laugh with anymore. I don't have anyone to go to when my family is fighting, I have no one to rely on when something's wrong. I'm moving half way across the world and I'm completely alone. It's supposed to make me stronger but I just feel so weak, I miss not crying myself to sleep. I just miss not having these etched in frownlines from late night tears.

ughhhh

I hate how I always think of the worst. I have no idea what life is like for him now. but I just assume it being much better than it was when he was with me. I'm honestly just imagining him smiling and laughing with someone other than me right now.

ouch. haha, I feel like throwing up.